Betta Fish: My first baby died last night

I was not expecting this to impact me as much as it did, but my baby boy Silas died last night. I was getting ready for bed and was feeding my tanks when I noticed he was kind of laying sideways on his leaf perch. He was still alive, but barely. He had fun rot and I’d been trying to heal him for months but it never got okay enough to put him back into his tank. I sat with him until he passed, gently petting him with my finger until I was sure he was gone. I couldn’t do anything with his body until this morning due to the sheer amount of ice and snow that’s outside, so I had to leave him in his hospital tank. I know that he might’ve been old, or more sick than I realized, but I wasn’t fully expecting to be sobbing myself to sleep because of my thoughts, “what if I did something wrong,” “what if it’s really my fault,” “I didn’t deserve to have him with how badly my animals were kept in the past.” That last one was never my fault, and I realize that now. I was a kid when I had all those other animals and I couldn’t pay for anything to help them with living conditions, but I loved them all as best as I could. Sorry for my rant I just wanted to get all of this out and off my chest.